Thursday, October 13, 2011

Confession Time

I was missing it all. How did it happen so slowly but yet in an instant? I was there the whole time but yet I feel like it happened without me. It was right in front of my eyes and still I feel like I missed out. I was there all along…………but was I really? 
What I’m referring to is the growth and the childhood of my 3 little boys, who aren’t as little as I would like to think. I mean they are still all under the age of 10 but I just feel like they’re growing up so very quickly. Everyone says it, right? ….. “They grow up so fast “or “Enjoy them when they’re little, they’ll be all grown up before you know it”.  Yes, I’ve heard it many times and probably been guilty of saying it myself. 
In the last few weeks, I’ve come to a few realizations….First, I have been missing out on the little things that I was too busy to notice before.  I’ve spent a lot of time rushing to get from one thing to the next, so much so that sometimes I forgot where I’m supposed to be going. Second, I’m a horrible mother when it comes to documenting or photographing my children’s childhoods and special events. I don’t know how many times I show up to a program or school party and realize I have forgotten my camera AGAIN.  My oldest son has 5 Scrapbooks, 3 photo albums, 2 baby books, and a journal from when he was in the womb. I know, the blessing of being the first born child. The second child is still 4 months old in his ONLY scrapbook and the third child has a half filled out baby book. In fact, we have very few pictures in our home of our “baby” because I haven’t even taken the time to develop them. I know….I’m awful!

Trust me the mom guilt is eating away at me as I’m writing. But perhaps the most honest realization that I've had is that life is going by quickly and I’m missing it all…....kind of like when you arrive at a destination and don't remember how you got there.

Now don’t get me wrong. I am not a neglectful mother, or a mom who is not interested in her children’s lives. I ,like most moms I know, constantly give motherhood all that I have.  However, during the last few years;  I have worked full time from home, been a full time stay at home mom, preschool room mom, worked on volunteer work for foster children, participated in bible studies, and  homeschooled my oldest son with two little ones at home as well. Honestly, I have been doing what most mom’s do……" doing  it all". I am not complaining of the busyness.  Most people who know me well, know that I enjoy doing many things and most of the time I put it on myself.  Yes, I know some of you are laughing or gasping out loud because I just admitted to what you’ve been thinking all this time. My schedule tends to be full not because I can’t say no but because I don’t want to say no. I want to do it all. I thrive on the chaos that is called my life. So it is not the full schedule that I am regretful of, because I believe there can be purpose in a busy schedule. Instead the regret I feel is that I never stopped for a moment to notice the little things. And I am just starting to learn that there is a lot to be learned from the simplicity of life.
And so this is how this blog has evolved. It is my journey of forcing myself to take the time to notice what is right in front of my eyes........