Courage....The Most Perfect Word

Right now, I should be lesson planning or doing one of the other twenty things that is staring at me from my to do list. I should be doing something more productive than writing on my blog. But I can't because I feel like if I don't write something soon I may go a little crazy.

 

I haven't written about my One Word in a long time. But let me tell you, it is not because it hasn't been on my mind. At the beginning of the year,  I wrote about how I felt like God had chosen my word and how I wish I could have chosen a word that was more fun or exciting or easier to live out. But if there's one thing I've learned, it's that God doesn't make mistakes and he always knows what's best for us. He knew that having that word in front of me for the past five months would help to give me the strength that I would need. If you remember, it wasn't just the word but the verse Joshua 1:9 ; "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” And so it wasn't just the word "courage" that has been engraved in my heart but the part that says "do not be discouraged".

 

You see when God chose my word for me, he already knew that my husband would become sick with Valley Fever. He already knew that the illness would keep him out of work for four months causing not only healthy problems but financial difficulties as well. It was a constant reminder to be grateful and to not be discouraged during those months. And shortly after he returned, it also became clear that God had other plans for me as well. I had another plan for a job this school year. One that fit quite easily into my life and wouldn't require time out of the home. It was going to be easy and simple and something I knew I would be good at. I knew where my kids were going to go to school and my youngest would be at home with me where I felt he was safest due to his allergy. All was good, right?......God must just laugh at us when we think we have it all under control.

 

Anyways, I don't find it a coincidence that the month I would have given birth to our fourth baby is the same month that I was hired for a new job........one that I was not looking for. You see  God knows all the details and we don't always understand them but when we are obedient to him and follow his will, we are blessed. My new job couldn't be a more perfect fit for me. I only have to teach 2 days a week, I am teaching a grade I am familiar with both in a homeschool environment & in the classroom, I will teach 1st. grade (the grade I taught when I left teaching) at home to my 6 yr. old, my school is less than 10 minutes from my house, and about 2 minutes from my son's preschool. The people I work with are amazing and I get to express my faith in the classroom. It is as if the perfect job has been created for me.

 

But all of this also means lots of changes. My life is not on the path that I thought it would be.

We have one son starting his last year of elementary school, another one leaving his school to attend my new school along w/3 homeschooling days, and our youngest attending a preschool which is not what we ever intended. And so in a span of the summer, I have taken on a new job, enrolled our 3 yr old in the safest preschool we could find while still having to advocate on his behalf, and I will be homeschooling. Oh, and by the way I am now a Juice Plus consultant which was just one more thing that I never intended to be because I hate selling stuff. It's as if my life has just been redirected in a whole other direction. And let me tell you, I am sure there is more change on the horizon.

 

So with all the new changes and rattled nerves because I haven't been a classroom teacher for 7 years......the only word that makes sense to help me move forward is "Courage". Courage to try new things, courage to fail and learn from my mistakes, courage to allow my son to be in the care of others, courage that I'll be able to effectively advocate for him, courage that I will be able to give my 1st. grader everything he needs academically, and the courage that I can balance our family's health including my own health struggles along with all the other new demands that will be placed on me. I will also need courage to start a new business I don't really have time for and courage to have faith in the new blessings God has provided for our family.  You see courage has nothing to do with not being afraid, it's everything to do with having fear and moving forward anyways. If he is calling us to do things, we must not rely on our own understanding or our own abilities. He will equip us with all that we need if it is for his will. And so I am excited to start our new journey and am so grateful God gave me this word for this year. It couldn't have been more perfect.

The most perfect gift given by a friend.
Will need to remember next week!

 

Sibling Rivalry.....Frenemies Full Force

I have birthed three very different children. I think the only thing they have in common is the fact that they are boys. Between the three, you'd think at least some of their character traits would overlap but they really don't. One is a complete introvert, another an extreme extrovert, and the oldest a mixture of both. And I love that they are so different! However, although I love their differences, they haven't quite learned how to love each other's differences.

If you don't have boys, there is something you should know about boys. They are very competitive! So when you have three boys and no girls to break up the mix and they all have very different personalities, you can get a lot of conflict. And by the way, when I say competitive I mean about everything. They race to see who gets dressed first, whose in their car seat first, who finishes their chores first, who is behaving best in the car, who is being nicer, .......and the list goes on. I can not lie, it's exhausting. Because they are so different, they play with their toys differently. One of them is very careful to keep his things in order, he keeps the pieces together, and sometimes even likes to save the packages. The other one loses everything and doesn't care much for any material items and therefore doesn't take great care of them. And the last one, well he should be a toy tester because if it can get past him without breaking....it's a keeper!! So if someone touches another person's toy or plays with it incorrectly it can be an all out World War 3.

Now when they're not having conflicts, they can be found "getting along". Getting along at our house can sometimes look worse than the fighting. Seriously; they are wrestling, tackling each other, chasing each other around the house, or throwing the bean bags at each other. And boys are LOUD, so even if they're getting along it still sounds like they're having some sort of battle. Often crying and laughing alternating so quickly you can't tell if someone should be in time out or if you should be glad that they're finally "getting along".


See they're getting along, or are they?

And now I have to be honest and say this is one of those areas where I feel like I'm failing in the mom department. I know lots of families with multiple children who never complain about their children fighting. It doesn't even seem to be an issue. When you see them their kids are smiling, you don't see any of them fighting, and it seems as if they all get along.  They're all cohesive and everyone likes each other most of the time. If you run into me with all three of my children, you may hear one of them  yelling at the other or see the littlest one push down his older brother. Someone might tackle another for a toy or electronic device. Seriously, one of those things you just figure every one else has all together.



What our jar looked like early on.......

During the school year, the frenemies are more friends than enemies because they are not together as often. However, after a few weeks into summer I realized we needed to do something to encourage them to get along. So we are working on filling up a jar we have labeled "Brothers Love Brothers". When they are being kind or doing nice things for each other we put some of these little cotton balls into the container. They created a list of things they get to do once it's full. Now don't judge me.....I'm well aware that is just a hidden form of bribery. But sometimes a moms got to do what a moms got to do.........

	 What our jar looks like now.....they're getting there. A little bit of bribery works sometimes ;) 

The Beach







The Beach

A place we used to call our home

A place where the kids love to roam

Sandy toes, shiny shells

Blue skies and Ocean swells

Could watch them all day building castles

Forgetting all life’s little hassles.

If only we had known it then,

Beach trips would have been more often.

From blue sky to sandy ground,

Peace and beauty all around.

If we knew then what we know now,

Spending more time there would be a vow.

 

We watched the cousins frolic all day.

Jumping in the surf, with no dismay.

Boogie boarding in the sea

Shouting always, BURY ME!

The very best part

was the memories they made,

Forever in their heart,

never, never up for trade.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

To Label or Not To Label...That Is The Question?

I follow different blogs and read a variety of articles/information regarding kids, families, and parents dealing with severe food allergies. There is a main consensus among all of these parents in that we want to do everything we can to keep our children safe. However, each family has some differing opinions or approaches as to how they do that. For us; we have made our home a  peanut free environment, we advocate on his behalf while trying to educate others around us, we ask the 20 questions at restaurants, I am ultra aware of our surroundings when in public, and we're armed and ready to use epipens at a moments notice.

This isn't true for all families.....and I am not here to judge that. Some families are comfortable allowing the allergen to remain in the home. Others will home school their children so as not too risk a reaction at school. Some parents of peanut allergic children allow them to eat foods with "traces" or food that has been processed on the same equipment as peanuts. I have heard of one little boy who wears a shirt to school every day that says "I'm allergic to peanuts".  I am not saying I agree with all of these things. However, it is only my job to make decisions for my children, for our family.

 

Something that does seem to divide parents is the topic of "labeling" our children. Some parents of allergy children do not want them to sit at the "peanut free" table. They don't want them to be identified by a sticker or bracelet because they don't want them to stick out or be "labeled". These parents want their children to be able to have as "normal" life as possible and they don't want them to be bullied. By the way, if you don't know it, food allergy bullying is increasingly becoming a real problem with kids. So like I said before, I am not here to judge those parents and what they see fit for their families.

 

HOWEVER, I disagree.

Landon is constantly being labeled. He is labeled when I advocate on his behalf. He is labeled when I tell others that I have a son whose allergic to peanuts. I don't think there is one person who knows me, even as an acquaintance, who doesn't know he has a peanut allergy. In searching for preschools, I labeled him within the first few minutes by telling them he has an allergy. If you talk to me longer than 20 minutes you will probably learn that my son has a severe life threatening allergy to peanuts.

I KNOW. I AM THAT MOM.

I literally label him as well. If he is not in my care, such as Sunday School or if we're at a large gathering where someone may offer him a snack, he wears a small sticker. The sticker usually says "Peanut Free" or "No peanuts for me. I am allergic." He also wears a bracelet that identifies his allergy. In addition, we mark his bag, that carries his epipens, Peanut Allergy. 

 

Landon's lunch labeled for VBS.



Backpack  w/epipens & a "peanut" label.

The wristband he wears identifying him with a peanut allergy.

 

Now don't get me wrong. He doesn't just wear these things around the house or when he's going to the store with us. We use the stickers and labels when he is with people who don't know him as well. I KNOW how easy it is to forget.  It only takes one nice parent to bring in cupcakes or offer him a snack and he could have a reaction. Not just a reaction. If he didn't get his epipen soon enough, it is highly likely he would go into anaphylactic shock and possibly die. Now if you know me well enough, you know I am far from a paranoid mom. I have 3 boys, there is no room for that. It's simple to me. Educate myself, educate him, educate others, and provide a safe environment.....and PRAY.

 

Anyways, my issue with not labeling is this. And this is not just in relation to food allergies.

Kids are different. God made each one of us unique and special in our own way. We were born with strengths, weaknesses, disabilities whether they be emotional or physical, different physical traits, different ways we learn, and the list goes on. But yet we want our children to "fit in".  It just seems , as a society, we are more concerned with children "fitting in", blending in with the other children, not appearing to be too different in fear that they may be bullied. When instead, we should be celebrating their differences! Let's teach them to accept themselves for who God created them to be. Not teach them how to blend in with the crowd. We should be  more focused on teaching other children to accept others for their differences and to show empathy towards others.  After all, don't us grown ups have enough issues of insecurity and self-consciousness from "not fitting in"?

 

So my goal, as a mother, is to teach my children to rejoice in their gifts that God gave them to use. Honestly, if they don't fit in then that's probably a good thing. Let's allow them to own who they truly are, not pretend to be like everyone else. After all, there's enough grown ups walking around doing just that very thing.

 

Landon's allergy does make him different. I don't care that I have labeled him as a kid with a peanut allergy. As far as I'm concerned, that just helps protect him because he is still pretty young. Of course, we have high hopes and I pray that he will outgrow his allergy. However, if he doesn't I hope that he grows up to accept his allergy. To own it as something that does make him different. To use it to advocate for himself, for others, to teach empathy to people who don't understand. 

"Why fit in when you were born to stand out?"......Dr. Seus

A Little Love For The Men

I feel like you do when you haven't seen someone for a long time. I wish I could just hug my screen. Ha! I've had no time to write and it's been awhile so that' s my way of saying I've missed it. Besides the little bit of writing I've done in the boys' journal, I haven't had time for any writing. And like I recently told a friend, it may be a good thing as I am an all or nothing kind of gal and letting it all spill out isn't always what everyone wants to hear. So anyways, for those of you who read my blog and keep up on our family, here it goes......

Today I've enjoyed looking at all the Father's Day posts on Facebook. The pictures and the kind words for all the wonderful men who are showing up in their childrens' lives and their grandchildrens' lives. Grandpas, Papas, Fathers, Father in laws, Brothers, Brother n laws......all the men who are giving their all to be there for their families. And I had fun looking through the pictures of my own husband with his sons. I could see the love and the memories that he's creating with them on a daily basis. Sometimes we're all so busy that we don't have time to reflect.

 

This morning we served breakfast to my husband, my brother n law, and my own father. And when I looked over at the kitchen table it was full of boys. And it struck me how blessed my boys are to be growing up in this generation of fathers. Often times in our society, the focus is on mothers and the sacrifices we are making for our families, how much of ourselves we give up for them, and  how difficult it can be to balance work, finances, faith, our children, and our marriages. But I started thinking about how difficult it must be for fathers. So much is expected of them as well......they have pressure to provide for their families, to be the spiritual leader, to support their wife in her career choices, to contribute to household duties and chores, to discipline their children effectively, and to spend what us moms consider to be "quality" time with their children. Furthermore, they have their own career pressures and their wives' expectations which may include; being a better listener, trying to figure out our love language, making enough time for us, etc. etc. etc......

And so perhaps, I have focused on how hard it is for me to juggle it all while neglecting  to consider how difficult it must be for my husband to do his own balancing act. My husband is one of those fathers who is hands on. He participates in every part of parenting and is an amazing role model for my boys. He, along with so many other fathers I know, works so hard for our family. Men are making sacrifices too. They are working long hours and choosing jobs that are best for their family whether that be due to location, benefits, hours, or pay. They are making time for their kids, changing diapers, cooking, taking out the trash, and trying to love their wives the best way they know how.

So when I look at a table full of men surrounding my boys, I feel so blessed. My young boys will no doubt grow up to be incredible men because they are surrounded by nothing less. Their Papa has a heart of gold and treats his wife with incredible tenderness and love. Their Grandfather loves the Lord and is showing them what it means to put God first in your life and how vital scripture is to their lives. Their dad is constantly showing them what sacrifice means and what it truly means to put your family's needs first. He is creative, funny, generous, handy, hard-working, and loving. And they've got Uncles who are also showing them what it means to care for your family. Seriously, this is why God gave me boys! Not because "I am a good boy mom", as many people say, but because he has surrounded my boys with incredible men. So today, let's give it up for the men!!

Here our some special pics of the men in our lives & some that show just how special our daddy is....



Curt and his dad. A great role model.

Grampa being his silly self.

He takes his kids everywhere. This is him & Nathan at Monster Trucks.



Most people do not know this but Curt is the most amazing birthing coach ever.
I never could have got through 3 natural childbirths without him. And I am pretty sure he
cried at every birth.

He's a way better cook than me!!

Birthday Parties: Legos & Loved Ones



Birthday Parties.
We love birthday parties. Our children do not have birthday parties every year. We usually have them every other year or sometimes every 3rd year. For example, Landon has never had a birthday party. This year he will be four, he will probably have his first birthday party. This works for me. One year we have parties and the next we don't. And it's fair, everyone gets a party or no one gets a birthday party. Simple and fair. So when we get to throw a party, they're lots of fun. Of course, they're lots of work too but it's fun work so that's okay.

This year I realized that there will only be so many birthday parties to throw. As the 11 year old is already beginning to simplify his birthday celebrations and his next party will not be until he's thirteen. THIRTEEN, oh lord help me. Soon, I will have a teenager. Anyways, that's another story. But the 6 year old won't have another one until he's 8 and the 4 year old til he's 6 and so forth. So when I really think about it, there are not that many birthday parties left to throw. Therefore, I think it's perfectly fine to put all the energy, creativity, and fun into birthday parties as I can muster up!

Sometimes it's a little tiring as the two older boys have their birthdays only 5 days apart and they are not close enough in age to share a party. So for cost reasons and for sanity we usually have one early and one late. This seems to help. This year had some other challenges. With almost 4 different events to host all within a span of 5 weeks and with the husband being out of commisssion it just took some extra planning. And you see the thing is I'm horrible at asking for help. I won't ask for help. I didn't ask for help. But I was proud of myself because when help was offered, I was quick to take people up on their offer. I'm finding it takes a little bit of courage to let people help.  This mama is learning that I just may have some issues related to  pride and trying to do it all on my own.  I know, big shocker for you friends.

Anyways, the only point of this post is to say that I love all the little details that go into birthday parties. I love the planning, the decorations, the food, the decorating, the cupcakes, the kids, the presents, and all that good stuff. But even if all of those things turn out absolutely perfectly, the best part of a birthday party is watching close family and friends come together. I LOVE having people who are close to us all in one place at the same time. I think it's so awesome to watch our different friends and family mingle together. If it weren't for birthday parties, this may never happen. At Carson's party, I also thoroughly enjoyed watching him play with his friends (I wasn't quite sure if he had any, that is another post for another time).

Carson's birthday party and hanging out with family & friends afterwards were great reminders that our family has so much to be thankful for. And sometimes, just sometimes you need those reminders a little more than others. It may appear to others that we have a huge family support system or that we have tons of friends. The truth and reality is that we have very few family that is close enough to help and we do not have a lot of friends. But the people who step up for us, the people who show up, the people who lend us their helping hands.........help in big ways, they really SHOW UP, and although they are not big in numbers they are STRONG and MIGHTY and feel like an army when they show up to help. Honestly, all I have is gratitude.



Lego Centerpieces for Tables

 

What 25 lego face balloons look like in your car!

 

Lego candy you can build with!



Because silverware is more fun when it's in a lego container ;)

I love him!

I guess Landon's job at the party was to eat all of the Fun Dips from the kids' party bags.......

Coloring Lego People



Fun in the water!

Mom To Boys

For over 11 years, I have been a mother to sons.

A mom to boys.

But this week, oh boy, let me tell you this week I have been awakened to this reality more than ever.

 

Potty Talk~

Lately, one of our boys has been refusing to lift the seat up when he uses the restroom. Apparently, he thinks his aim is good enough. The other two have never even attempted to lift the seat. This results in me sitting on pee OFTEN. I about lost it the other day when I sat in almost dry, sticky urine for the second time in ONE day. When people come over, I have to make sure I go to the restroom and wipe it down, just in case..... I am thinking I want a GIRLS ONLY restroom. Seriously, we have two bathrooms and I am so close to banning them from one of them.

 

Anatomy~

I don't even know if I want to share this whole story. Let's just say my six year old had some questions as to his anatomy the other day after he got out of the shower.  Of course, my husband wasn't home and so I had to handle that one. Fun times.....

I went for the correct terminology. However, my very literal son thought the slang terms made more sense.  Kind of hoping we don't have to revisit that one for about 5 more years.

 

Boys To Men~

The oldest had a "Boy to Man" meeting at school that he was supposed to go to. I assumed most parents would be taking their kids and so I sent my husband down to the school with him. The child was mortified and didn't want to go but I encouraged him and told him that his friends would probably be there. My husband said the parking lot was totally empty and so they kept driving and went for an ice cream cone. My husband thought he would address some of the things that would be covered in the class they just ditched. Due to privacy, I won't share this whole story either but oh my, sounded like they both left that conversation pretty embarrassed and uncomfortable. My husband said he never saw him eat an ice cream cone so fast! And so now tonight I am digging through a book titled, " The Body Book For Boys", that I had bought a long time ago. And we, the parents, are trying to figure out which parts we want to go over with him.  But yet, we both kind of just want to hand the book over for him to read. Sigh....
 

 

TOY INVASION~

Anybody else have a giant sized battleship in their bathtub? Don't know how they snuck that one in there. I can't get in my shower without almost tripping over pirates or cars. Cars, cars, everywhere I turn there are cars. And where there are no cars, there are Lego's. Speaking of Legos, we are also tying up loose ends for a Lego party. Because boys want Lego parties. After Saturday, it will be okay if I don't see Legos for a long while. But I'm guessing that is not likely.

 

This week was just full of incidents of my boys being boys; burping, farting, catching them without their underwear on because for some reason they hate wearing underwear, watching them wrestle each other, turn multiple objects into swords or guns, and so forth. The littlest one had an extra surge of energy and orneriness and so this week I have felt inundated by testosterone.

 

BUT~

But there are perks to having boys. Today I received an email from one of the boy's teachers. It was regarding dress code and it was mostly geared towards the girls in class. The teacher was just kindly reminding parents that spaghetti straps and halters were not allowed unless they were wearing a sweater. Finally, something that a boy mom will not have to worry about.........

Pizza For Breakfast

 

12:30 a.m I woke up just because. Checked on everyone.

2:30 a.m. Oldest had a bloody nose. He woke up the youngest and I laid with him til he went back to sleep.

4:30 a.m. Husband starts to snore and cough. Does not respond to my not so gentle nudges to roll over. I go to the couch to sleep for the remainder of the night or do you call that morning.

6:00 a.m. Middle child is awake for the day and finds me asleep on the couch. Turns on T.V. blaring  loud........ he doesn't know how to adjust the volume.

I fall asleep for about 20 minutes, praying no one else wakes up until 7. But that is about when the middle child insists on eating leftover pizza for breakfast. I tell him no, that's what is going in his lunch. He keeps insisting. I give in. Because giving in may mean just a little bit more sleep. He eats cold pizza for breakfast. I think I was too tired to notice. The youngest gets up about 15 minutes later. Sees his brother eating pizza for breakfast and wants the same. Fine, you can both have pizza for breakfast. But he wants his warm. Okay, time to leave the couch bed. Sigh. At this moment, I remember I was supposed to make these healthy blueberry muffins for breakfast that I'd been trying to make all week. I'm discouraged but think there's always tomorrow.

Get a text from the neighbor. I forgot to return the foil I borrowed and she needs it to finish baking an egg casserole for our MOPS meeting. Ooops. Send one of the children over to return it. The other child proceeds to throw a 20 minute tantrum because I didn't let him go. Get a text from a dear friend with not so good news. Say a prayer for her and her family and move on to finish dealing with the end of the tantrum.

It is now 7 a.m.

7 a.m. and I am already looking forward to nap time.  I haven't even made lunches and nobody is dressed but I am envisioning nap time when all will be quiet again.

The next hour was full of the same prodding for them to be ready on time and sibling rivalry that can happen on any given morning. Except that mom was a little more tired than usual, which means less patience.  Got the big boys off to school and the little guy & I got ready for our MOPS meeting. I'm in charge of bringing juice to MOPS, it's our turn to provide breakfast. No big deal, I bought the juice last weekend. Open the fridge to realize husband drank the juice. I told husband not to drink the juice but he says he didn't ever hear me say that. Big Sigh. Rant and rave a little about how I SPECIFICALLY said for no one to drink THIS JUICE.

It is now almost 9 a.m. And I was dreaming of the large cup of coffee that was waiting for me at MOPS.......

Every morning is not like this. But I believe most moms have moments like these. Maybe their kids didn't eat pizza for breakfast but I bet all moms have had those mornings when nothing seemed to go quite right or those nights when mom is up meeting every one's needs and so she is not sleeping. And on the way to my MOPS meeting, I just realized that so many of us pretend these moments don't happen. We go along with our day, pretending we weren't up all night, smiling as if everything is the same today as any other day. Maybe it isn't our children, instead maybe we received bad news or we are not feeling well. Yet, as women we go along with our day pretending as if everything is okay.  And yet I think this is a disservice to other women. Because what we see is......a woman who has it all together and we think to ourselves " what am I doing wrong", "why does it seem so easy for her", "how does she get it all done". And we beat ourselves up.

Now I'm not saying we should all be out there complaining about the hard work of motherhood. I'm just saying we should be honest. Honest with ourselves, honest with others. It is hard work, it is tiring, and some days are better than others.

So in the spirit of being honest. I let my kids eat pizza for breakfast today. I got mad at my poor sick husband for drinking my juice (dumb I know but that's what happens when you lack sleep), and I was wishing it was nap time by 9a.m. But chances are there are a dozen other moms who had a rough morning and may have been feeling the same way........maybe even another mom who let their kid eat pizza for breakfast ;)

ELEVEN

ELEVEN~~

What? When did he start growing into a young man? Was I looking, was I paying attention? Once again, I feel like I kind of missed it.

My firstborn turned 11 this week and I think for moms some birthdays hit you harder than others. Maybe it's because all of my boys are growing up so quickly and we are leaving that baby and toddler stage far behind us. However, I'm pretty sure my husband would blame it on the boxes of pictures I was going through the other night. Overwhelmed by how little they were, how little I documented or remembered their younger years, and when will I ever get these pictures organized?

Nathan was born the day after Easter, on April Fool's Day, on his due date by a doctor who delivered him while wearing bunny ears. His entrance into this world was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life.

He celebrated his birthday this year 4 different times, it's just the way it worked out. But if anyone deserved to drag out his birthday celebration it is him. I used to worry up until very recently about the number of friends he seemed to have. And then I realized, I was only putting my own concerns onto him, like so many times parents do.  He is perfectly happy with his social life. And he is in many ways like me. He may not have the most friends but he seems to have very good friends. The kind you're glad your son chooses to hang out with. They say thank you, use their manners, and are nice to his pesty little brothers.

My oldest son is growing into a responsible and independent young man.  Many people do not believe us when we tell them about Nathan's toddler years. Actually, he didn't settle down completely  until he was in second grade. My grandma always said, " Mija, he will grow out of it. Just wait and see." I have to admit, I didn't really believe her. I mean he didn't just go through the terrible twos, he could have been the King of the Terrible Twos, The Testy Threes, and The Feisty Fours.                                     

Nathan insisted on baking his cupcakes all by himself. I didn't help him at all. Even though I was excited about frosting them, he wanted to frost them all by himself too. Not too bad!

I love decorating for bdays, holidays, etc. But Nathan is very practical. When I went to buy the special cupcake wrappers and the colored plates. He said, "Mom, it doesn't matter what plates we use. Let's just use what we have." It wouldn't have mattered to him if we decorated or not just to have a few friends over for a sleepover. But I think it made him feel special and let him know his birthday is special because I took the time to do it anyways. He really is a boy, he could care less what it looks like. But I think it's just fun for us moms. It helps us celebrate their birthday with them. And although it may not matter to him now, he will have the memories to look back on.

 

The table of junk food. I was worried the kids would eat all this junk and then be wired and never go to sleep. But they were so good. 

 



 ELEVEN this  year, TWELVE next year............ I feel like time is ticking away so fast. Like every day is one day closer until he isn't a young boy anymore but instead a young man. There's so much more to teach him. So much more spiritual guidance I need to give. So many life lessons he needs to experience. And yet I can't slow down time. So I'll try to remember to;soak in the special moments, listen when he wants to talk, make time just for him, and keep encouraging him to be independent.

 

May God help me parent him to be the person that he wants him to be.

Nathan is an amazing big brother.



Home but Not Home

This is my home.
But why then doesn't it always feel like home?

We moved to this town when we were 25 years old, with a new baby, and  dreams for a better future. We have lived in this town now for almost 11  years.   This house has been our home that entire time, minus the 6 months it was being built. We have spent the majority of our married life here.  And so it is our home.

But yet it is not. Or at least it, that is how it feels at times.

Our oldest took his first steps in the front yard of this home  a few days after we moved in. I always joked that he was waiting for more room so he could learn to walk. I can remember clearly the day we brought the 2 younger boys home from the hospital after they were born. I can recall rocking babies, nursing babies, tending to sick kids, and thinking on more than one occasion...is it possible for our carpet to take more abuse? And every time I thought it couldn't get worse, it did. Paint, food, drinks, throw up, poop (yep even that), have infested our carpet time and time again. It's nothing fancy but it is ours. My home. My spouse's home. And my children's home.

But sometimes, more times than I'd like to admit, it feels like I'm supposed to be somewhere else.

Each and every room is like a package full of memories. I can sit in a room for a few minutes and memories inundate my mind. I see Curt and I discussing where furniture should go, picking out paint colors, me getting in the way of my handy man husband, arguing over exactly where to hang things, and me choosing difficult tasks such as painting a striped room with 4 colors or cutting down bookshelves to make them fit. Or the time when I had him make our headboard out of a door. The sandbox he built in the backyard when Carson was born because he got bored on paternity leave. There is not one part of this house that we have not worked on together. We have literally put sweat and tears into each one of these rooms. Our marriage turns a little love/hate when we do projects together. We are each perfectionist in our own ways. And so this house contains many reflections of how we've learned to work together and how our marriage has evolved.  And  even though we have lived in many other places together, this is the only  home our marriage truly knows.

Yet, there are times when I am driving toward my house and I don't feel as if I am going the right way. When we come home from out of town and I don't have that  sigh of relief, that feeling of home is just around the corner......

And then there's my neighborhood. I can not tell you how fabulous my neighborhood is. You truly have to live in it to understand. I am so blessed and incredibly grateful for my neighbors, location, schools, love it all!

And still, there's unrest.

I think there are many reasons why I feel this way. But I think maybe, although I am not sure, one of the reasons of unrest is because we are not from here. We are transplants from...well from almost a totally different world. But in that "other" world, we had history. We had family, friends that had known us since before puberty, places of reference. You know the kind of places you drive by and say, "Remember when . . . ".  And here our history started when we moved here. After we were married. After we had our first child. We have very few points of reference.

We had to start all over. When we moved here, we only knew 2 people. That's it......... just 2. And we had to build our lives here from scratch. We started new jobs, expanded our family, and yes we met some new friends too. I have met some pretty amazing people who have shown themselves time and time again that they are real friends. But yet, when things happen or when events need to planned & attended you realize that you are in fact still building your life. It has been 11 years and we are still finding our niche.

This is our home but yet it is still not our home. And I think in my heart, it may never be my home.
It is not easy when (besides my sister) the closest relative lives 2 hours away. And then there are other relatives that live a few states away and then even more relatives who live on the other side of the country. And our family never takes a real vacation because vacations are happily used up to go visit our families. It saddens me to think that my children will not see one set of their grandparents for the rest of this year because of a cancer diagnosis. And on top of that, my husband and I will not even be close enough to help. And when things happen in our family, I know they struggle because they can not just jump in the car and come to our rescue. We must rely on those amazing people that are not our family that have come into our lives to lend a hand when we hit rough spots.

And although I've always felt this way, it has been particularly hard this year.  And this past month.
But I think it's important when I feel like this, to look at the truth. Not how I feel. But just the simple truth. And what I know to be true is;
1. Even if this doesn't feel like my home, where I came from doesn't feel like it either. It is not a   
    place where I want to live or raise my children.
2. We did find a better life. In so many ways.
3. Although it may not always feel like home to me, it probably will to my children. Because they   
   are building their own history.
4. I love my home. And I love that it is a place that stores so many of our memories.

And so on days like today when I go to the park and see another group of mom friends having a play date, when Curt and I want to go out and have a hard time finding a sitter, or when we spend another holiday away from family........I will just try to remember the truth.

And when I look at it that way, it's all good.

I will keep joining new groups (some work out, some don't), continue to participate in bible studies at different churches, engage my kids in various activities to keep them involved. We will keep building memories in our home and building our history here with our children. And love on those people who have carved out special places in my heart.

And one more thing I'm certain of , is that even if this town does not always scream home to me,  I was supposed to end up here ......at least for now.

I know the following aren't the best pics but I haven't scanned them so they're just from my phone.



Curt, me,& Nathan standing at the front door of our
 home when it was being built. And Nathan crawling across the concrete foundation
that is now our house.

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