A Safe Place

Last month, a man walked into an elementary school and took away innocent lives. Sweet, sweet innocent lives of young children. It is so incredibly disturbing to me. Almost a month later and it still just weighs heavy on my heart. On Christmas, I imagined those poor parents and families whose children were not there to open their gifts. The stockings that were hung and never needed to be filled. Parents who didn't get to hear the pitter patter of  little feet before daylight or see their beautiful faces when they opened up their gifts. For those families, every Christmas, all holidays, everyday life as they know it is forever changed.

And where did this horrific event happen? At school. A place to learn, a place to grow, a place where we send our children to everyday, a place that is supposed to be safe.  For some children, school IS the safest place for them to be. When I taught in low income schools, many children had more security and felt safer at school than they did at home. And yet now my kids go to school where they are actually locked inside their classroom all day long and only their teacher is allowed to answer the door. I am not knocking their security, I am grateful that the school is going the extra lengths to make sure my children are safe. But how sad is that? .....that  I am actually grateful . Grateful because my children sit in a locked room at school for their protection just so someone can't come into their classroom and gun them down while they are learning their math facts.

And then today close to our community, there was another school shooting. Another child shot while at school. Another teacher injured while trying to protect students.  And all in their safe place. What is next? Are our schools going to end up looking like the airports' security system?  Will there be metal detectors and random pat down searches?  Do we need to offer programs on Bullying along with How To Avoid a Shooter? Is this the future for our schools that once offered a place of safety? 

I don't understand how we got here.  I don't pretend to have any answers as to how to make it better. And I don't want to argue about gun control, how to treat mentally ill patients, the catastrophic causes of bullying, or which part of society is most to blame. It's not that I don't have opinions on these topics or that I don't think they are important or relevant to these situations. But sometimes people get so caught up in arguing their point of view, defending their beliefs, and trying to prove the other side wrong that it results in more division. On these issues, many people take such a strong stance and then they refuse to see it from any other point of view. It ends up becoming more important to be right than to be empathetic, than to acknowledge the severity of the tragedy that has occurred. This just causes more hatred, selfishness, more divisiveness, and hence more tragedies.

The more I thought about how devastated I was in our schools' safety  and what the future may hold for my children, I realized that maybe they weren't actually as safe as I thought  and perhaps maybe there is a bigger picture of safety to be seen. Although I had seen schools as being a safe place, I bet there are a lot of children and grown adults who would disagree. Lots of things can happen to our children when they are out of our presence. At school our children can be bullied, made to feel inadequate or not as smart, feel left out, get berated by someone at the school, be treated unfairly, or be in an unsafe neighborhood where there are constant fights. I am not pretending that those things are  nearly as unsafe or deadly as shootings. However, I just realized the importance of helping our children to find their own safe place in a very unsafe world.

We send our children into a hazardous world every day. These kinds of incidents can happen anywhere, they do happen anywhere; movie theaters, malls, front yards, etc. We can not put our children in a bubble and protect them from physical or any other kind of harm. I can be cautious (without being paranoid) and teach them to be cautious as well. But all I can really do is pray for them and teach them how to find a safe place to go within themselves when things become scary and difficult. I hope that I can help my children create their own safe place by loving them unconditionally, teaching them to stand up for what they believe in while not degrading others for their own beliefs, and raising them with a faith so strong that they will have an immense sense of peace when nothing else is peaceful.

The Nutty World I Live In: The Way I See It

I've been wanting to document what our lives are like to live with a child who has a life threatening food allergy. There are things in our lives that are just not "normal" due to Landon's allergy. I've been meaning to get it down in some form or other so that we can remember because I know it will change as he gets older. My intention is to give him more responsibility, little bits at a time.  I truly believe the best way for us to keep him safe will be to teach him how to keep himself safe. Sometimes I focus on the things that are difficult for us; the lengthy label reading at the grociery store, the birthday parties where we bring our own food, the 20 questions we  play with waiters when we go out, our other kids miss out on foods that they really enjoy, etc.  Sometimes I do a pity party and feel sorry for us, sometimes it's just plain stressful. And then I really started thinking about it. What must it be like for him? What does having a life threatening food allergy feel and look like to a 2 year old?  I tried to put myself in his shoes, and this is what I came up with........

Peanuts. What is a peanut? I don't even know what one looks like but my mom says if I eat one it will make me sick and I may stop breathing. I don't know what stop breathing means but I know being sick is no fun. These things called peanuts must be in a lot of foods because I see my mom hold up food boxes and read the long list of words on the side. Then she will either say no you can't have this or it doesn't have any peanuts. I wonder if this is why she is gone FOREVER when she grociery shops. Must take a long time to read every word on all the food that she brings home for us.

 

The worst thing about being sick by peanuts is that birthday parties aren't always as much fun for me. One time we went to a birthday party and it was so much fun.  We got to jump on the bouncy houses and sing Happy Birthday. But then they cut the cake and started handing it out. But my parents told the mom in charge that I couldn't have any. At another birthday party, they had this thing that they kept hitting with a bat and for some reason all of the kids were standing around with bags. They looked very excited. When the thing broke, candy flew everywhere and all of the kids started running for the candy and putting it in their bags. I wanted to run for the candy too but instead my mom just picked up a few pieces off the ground and gave them to me. She said those ones were "safe".  Not all birthday parties are bad though. One time, I went to a birthday party and they had made special cupcake just for me. And then there was the time where my mom had baked the cupcakes because there were other kids who get sick from peanuts. Me and the other peanut kid ate mom's cupcakes. But the rest of the kids ate big pieces of cake that were from a bakery. I don't know what a bakery is but I know mom says we can't go to them. She says they're not safe.

Another thing that's not so great about this peanut thing is eating out. I love to go eat at other places but we don't eat out as much as we used to. Usually mom and dad have to read the menu first. When we go to a food place, mom or dad usually ask the person who comes to our table a lot of questions. Sometimes the people are really nice to mom and dad. They answer all their questions and we get to stay. But sometimes the people don't have the answers or maybe they're not the right answers and then we have to eat at a different place. One time, we ate at a new place. Mom and dad were so happy because they actually used separate utensils for my food but mom still made my big brother get the shots out of the car. She said she was nervous because they served a dish with a peanut sauce and peanuts.

Shots. They call my shots, epipens. I don't really know what they are for. I only know that mom carries them in her purse and in my diaper bag. If she forgets them she will go back home for them. I'm not supposed to play with them but sometimes I get them out of my bag and try to open them. Mom says they will hurt me and not to play with them. I hope she never has to use them, especially since she says they are like a shot. I know shots hurt. I had to have some shots recently. They put two shots in my arms. Mom kept telling me they were almost done but it took forever. She told me that the dr. was  going to make sure that no other foods will make me sick. I hope that after those shots the dr. doesn't tell mom  that I'm allergic to anything else. That will just mean more foods I can not eat.

Sometimes I feel bad for my brothers. They can't eat the fun foods either. My oldest brother went to my Mimi's house alone for a week and he got to eat lots of foods with peanuts. He was very excited about that. I feel bad for them, but I know sometimes they sneak the fun foods without me. After I go to bed at night, my dad takes them to this donut place. I know they wait until I am in bed because I can't eat donuts from donut places. Mom's donuts taste pretty good though. We don't really eat at ice cream places either. They talk about cross contamination, whatever that means. Sometimes they let me go to this frozen yogurt place but they get really stressed out about it. Dad has to hold me the whole time because there's all these yummy candies and snacks and if he lets me go he thinks I would go grab them and shove them in my mouth.  He is right, I would totally grab them and shove them in my mouth...I tried it once. Other people put those candies on top of their ice cream but no one in my family is allowed to.  I am only allowed to get vanilla flavor.  But I heard mom say we might have to find a new frozen yogurt place because now that one serves peanut butter flavor.

Sometimes, my parents just act weird about stuff. Like we went to this party. Well I don't think it was a party because everyone seemed kind of sad. But there was lots of different kinds of food there. It looked  yummy! My dad just stayed right by me the whole time. He never let me out of his sight. If I tried to go in the house, my parents ran right after me. I wasn't able to sneak any of that yummy food that was laying all around the house. Then there was that time we went to the park. We brought our food, I think big brother called it a picnic.  We laid out our blanket and then all of a sudden dad started freaking out and we had to go sit all the way on the other side of the park. They said something about peanut shells.  I just saw these little brown things all over. I wonder if that's what a peanut is? It doesn't look like the bright orange candy wrappers that mom says I can't have and she says those are peanuts too. There was also this time when my whole family went to a baseball game but I stayed in the hotel with my Nana. Nana is really nice and we had fun but I wish I knew what happens at a baseball game. I did get to go to a circus once but my allergist told my mom that wasn't a good idea so she says we probably won't go again.

My mom talks about me going to school sometimes. She says she is not sure if I will go to school. That she will have to make sure it is safe enough for me. My brothers go to school. Sometimes I get to walk with them there in the morning. It looks like a fun place. I hope that I get to go there too. I wonder how mom will make sure it's safe enough for me. I bet she wonders that too.
 
Because peanuts make me sick, I can't eat all of the fun food. When I really want something I just tell them it doesn't have peanuts but they don't always believe me. My parents make me wear a special sticker and bracelet to church. It helps to tell other people that I'm allergic to peanuts. I like to take the bracelet off but mom gets mad. Maybe when I get bigger like my brothers I will be able to eat the fun food. That would be nice.


This is me the very first time I ate peanut butter cracker.  I didn't really like it, so I only ate a little. My mom tells me this is when I was looking better, after I had a little bit of medicine.  This was a scary day for my parents.



Love Your Neighbor

Love Your Neighbor.



Love your neighbor, not just the ones that are nice to you, bake you cookies, and lend you things. I'm blessed with neighbors like those, they're easy to love....

Love your neighbor, not only the ones that actually live in your neighborhood but the neighbors that live on the "other" side of town.

Love your neighbor, the unloveable ones who yell at their kids, are rough with them, and leave them unattended most of the time. And while you love on those neighbors, be sure to love on their children too.

Love your neighbor, the ones that do not go to the same church as you.

Love your neighbor, the one who doesn't go to church at all.

Love your neighbor, the neighbors that speak in a way that make you want to cover your childrens' ears.

Love your neighbor, the one who would NEVER vote for the same president as you.

Love your neighbor, the neighbor that drinks too often and too much and has difficulty finding their way home.

Love your neighbor, the ones that tell stories behind your back when they think you are not listening.

Love your neighbor, the neighbor who borrows money and "forgets" to pay it back.....more than once.

Love your neighbor, whose skin may be a different color.

Love your neighbor, the one who you can not understand because they speak a different language than you.

Love your neighbor, the neighbor who can fit all of his belongings in a shopping cart.

Love your neighbor, the one who looks like he spent time behind bars.

And love the neighbor who actually is behind bars.

Love your neighbor, the ones who have been orphaned or abandoned.

And this is a hard one, love the people you don't even like. The people who are unkind, who have built walls so high that you don't even want them to let you in. Love on those neighbors who have a chip on their shoulder so big, that you can see it a mile away. Yep, whoever that is you're picturing right now, love on them too. Most likely they are the ones who need it the most.


It is easy to love those who are just like us. Easy to love those neighbors with whom we share common backgrounds, values, and beliefs. But God says love your neighbor and we don't get to choose which ones. It is simple, love them all. Love your neighbor, even the unloveable ones. Sounds so easy but yet it is the most difficult thing we may be callled to do.

 Mark12:31
The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these.”

 

Honestly....Honesty?

Honesty.

1. n; the quality or fact of being honest; uprightness and fairness.

2. n; truthfulness, sincerity, or frankness.

3. n; freedom from deceit or fraud.

We begin telling our children at a very young age not to lie. Most people value honesty and try to instill that particular value within their children. We encourage them to tell the truth and that the consequences will be less severe if the truth comes out before a cover up story, otherwise known as a lie.  Honesty is not only vital in a  parent-child relationship. There are so many other relationships where expectations of honesty exist such as employers, spouses, friendships, etc.

So my question is, if honesty is important enough for us to  instill in our children then why are we constantly showing them dishonesty?  I don't mean that we are lying to them purposely. But when we look at the definition of honesty it not only consists of being truthful,  but of being.....sincere and frank.  So although, we may not lie intentionally to those around us..........are we truly displaying honesty? Are we being sincere?  Are we being forthright with how we feel and what we know/feel to be true? No, for the most part, I think not.  I believe that most the time people are not honest due to fear of judgement and disappointment, disappointment that comes from others. Because for some reason it is in our human nature to judge others.

Often, when you tell people something or share something personal someone will say, " I thought I was the only one who felt that way, " or " I'm the only person I know who has been through that".  There is no way you're the only person who has felt that way.  I've found time and time again, after sharing personal information with people that they have had similar situations or they can totally relate to how I'm feeling or things I've been through.  God has used people over and over again in my life to help in tough times and vice versa.

Often people are not displaying honesty by being sincere and frank with one another. They are only showing others what it is they want them to see. Take Fakebook for example (Facebook), a social media website where people can share their "status" or show pictures of their families or loved ones. Now, I love facebook, it's an easy way for me to share pics and what's going on in our lives with family members that live far away. But sometimes doesn't it seem like your "friends" lives are so much more exciting. Like they're always on vacation, their kids are always smiling, their spouse is wonderful, and the list goes on. Yet is only a snapshot of what people want us to see. Trust me, you might see the cute pinterest project I made but you are not going to see the huge mess that it left behind, or the destruction the toddler caused while I was creating it. You know when you log into your Fakebook account and at the top it says "What's on your mind"? How fun would that be if for one day, everyone actually put what was truly on their mind. I bet it would be surprising, or maybe not. Maybe it would just be surprising that so many of us have more in common than we thought. Perhaps most of us would have the same worries, concerns and issues. Today, my "honest" status would have said something like this, " Toddler woke up on the wrong side of his mattress.  He has been driving me crazy all day; making messes and crying over every little thing." or " I can't wait for my husband to come home so the 2 year old will have someone else to torture."

I'm not saying everyone should over share, which sometimes I tend to to do. There is a place for privacy and certainly there are things that should be kept close to our heart. But I love it when people are just plain honest. I cherish those moments when people are transparent.  I believe it is in these moments that true friendships are formed. When people let their walls down and tell it like it really is, it is an amazing opportunity for us to relate and to help one another. I feel incredibly blessed to have women in my life who love me for who I am. Friends who know I'm not always patient with my children, who see my house when it's at it's messiest, who know my fears, can see my insecurities,  and have that knowledge of yucky stuff from the past......The friends who know if I'm eating cream cheese frosting, I've probably had a pretty crappy day ;) I am so thankful for the people in my life who have let down their walls and created a safe place for me to take mine down as well. Anyways, maybe next time you're not sure if you should share something or let someone know how you're really feeling; give it a try, maybe it will be the beginning of an "honest" friendship.......