Supermom & Her Cape

After two days of being home; I had packed lunches, made dinners, helped with homework, had a dentist apt, took the 3 year old to gymnastics, forgot to be the tooth fairy AGAIN,studied AWANA verses, went grocery shopping after reorganizing all my coupons, and paid bills. Guess you could say my mini vacation is over.  But what I've done in the past few days is only what all Supermoms do EVERY DAY.  In fact, I do less than most Supermoms I know in a given week. So you'd think we'd all be willing to hang up that cape any chance we get right? .......

Not most Supermoms I know. Just kind of got to thinking,  why do we hang onto that cape so tightly?

Last weekend, I attended a retreat with my sister. You could choose from a variety of workshops. I chose the perfect one just for HER! When I picked it, I was simply thinking of what I thought she needed.  I felt like God was going to speak directly to her heart on her busyness, how much she takes on, and so forth. Sigh......God's always going to blindside us when we allow ourselves to think we've got something under control.

The workshop was titled along the lines, " Superwoman, Take That Cape Off ".  The teacher was this amazing, sassy African American woman who had us laughing every few minutes as she spoke truth after truth. The first part was about why women feel that can't say no and the reasons that cause us to take on too much such as guilt, and pride.  She spoke of her own personal story on how she overextended herself and how it spiraled out of control. Now remember, this class was for my sister. As I sat there,  I was hearing the teacher and enjoying her lecture along with the class discussion. But my ears were not open. I was hearing but I was not listening.

You see, I had done the same thing this woman had done at one point in my life. And so as she went through everything, I just kept thinking; Yep, I've been there. I've learned these lessons already. I am able to say no. I am able to prioritize my time. I do not overextend or sign up for things or fill up my schedule with too many "extras" just because I feel like I should. I pray on things before I commit. I am a new person. Sigh....this was only a part of the lesson she was teaching.

Towards the end of my trip and when I got home, I realized my family was doing just fine without me. Things were just plugging along as normal and the husband was handling it all. The meals, the basketball games, the practices, bedtime battles, the sibling rivalry, and all the other things I usually handle when I'm wearing my Supercape. There was a tinge of disappointment that all had been under control.  But I had to search my heart as to why I felt this way and I couldn't quite pinpoint it.

Until I remembered,  what the sassy Superwoman workshop teacher had said.

She had said that sometimes we do not take off our cape or we take on all the responsibility because we think no one else can do it as well as we can. PRIDE........

After this light bulb moment, I could see myself  making the "list" for my husband. The "list" with drop off & pick up times, the multiple supplements & vitamins that they must take, what bills to mail, and the times & days for anything extracurricular. The grocery shopping I did so that my family would have food & meals planned for the 5 days I was gone. All of this created a lot of stress the few days before I left. Preparing everything to be done ......MY WAY.   When in reality, my husband went grocery shopping to make whatever meals he wanted and if none of those things on my list happened correctly.....all would have still been well.

Another reason given for wanting to "do everything" was the need to feel needed. That women desire to feel needed. Honestly, I am surprised this came to my mind later because at the time, I remember distinctively shrugging this one off completely. Thinking to myself that I do not do things to feel needed that was just simply silly. I was not one of those girls who needed self recognition or needed to be noticed for doing things. Hmmmm......but when I got home I think my feelings were a little hurt because I didn't feel needed. It didn't matter that I wasn't there to do those things, they didn't need me. All was well without Supermom. Dad was wearing the cape just fine.

Sometimes God just likes to whop us upside the head with character flaws, such as pride and insecurity. It's funny how those character traits can intertwine.  Anyways, when I got back I had to put that Supermom cape back on pretty fast. It has been an incredibly busy week. But do you know that I have had so much more patience, more energy, more love, and just more fun with my kids than I have in a long time? Amazing how a little break can help you feel so rejuvenated.

You see this is my theory. If us Supermoms choose to wear our cape ALL of the time. If we think that we are the only ones who can do it, believe our way is the best way, that things will fall apart, or we won't feel fulfilled or needed just because we take off our cape for a short while.... then our cape will become worn out. If we don't hang them up every once in awhile, our bright, shiny capes will become faded, tattered, and torn. How useful are we then? On the other hand, if we hang up that cape every once in awhile, give it to someone else to take care of, then it will stay better preserved and will be more useful to us when we put it back on.

Corny, I know. But I believe it to be truth.

Here are some pictures from my trip. My husband took awesome care of my cape and I'm back home ready to wear it again. And to my beautiful sister, I had the most amazing time. True sister time is always rejuvenation to the soul.

Getting ready to fly alone for the first time ever.

Mom and daughters getting a massage.

At our retreat, where they served wine!

My beautiful sister. She has the largest heart of anyone I know.

My forever momento. Sisterhood momento. And a daily reminder of my faith. Love!

A Problem Solving Afternoon

One of the things that gets my heart racing more than anything is when my children have been quiet for longer than 15 minutes. Then to make matters worse, you call their name and in return you hear complete silence. If you are a mom of boys or of toddlers, I'm sure you understand. But I truly have found that this situation usually does not end well. Things I have found at the end of that deafening silence have been;  children who've locked themselves in bathrooms, paint on carpet because someone decided they wanted to paint, diaper cream covering their little bodies (more than 1 child has done this), a child who actually left the house and tried to walk to the big boys school, broken toilets from toys being flushed down, and the list could go on.

The other day, I was busily cleaning the kitchen in between doing endless loads of laundry. I assumed the little boys were playing in their playroom, because that's where I saw them last and since they just got new toys from Christmas you'd assume that's where they'd want to be. One should never assume anything when dealing with little boys......that is usually the first mistake. Anyways, after putting in a load of laundry I went back to the kitchen and realized I hadn't heard them in awhile. Little boys play loud, so even when you can't see them you can almost always here them. Then I called for them. Nothing.  Deafening silence. No giggles, no wrestling, no fighting, no whining, no crashing noises....nothing. Walked the house, went to every room and called their names. Not a peep. Garage door was closed and front door was locked (I have learned from past experiences). Next,  I went to look out the windows that oversee our backyard. And of course, there they were.

At the top of the play structure stairs, I saw Landon. And at the bottom stood Carson. In between them,  I saw a miniature toy slide. This must be the boy mom in me because the first thing I did was burst out laughing. They were so funny to watch, they were trying so hard to figure out a way to get that slide up the stairs. I had no idea why they were even trying to get the slide to the top of the play structure.  These two little guys who have a complete volatile love/hate relationship were working together. I just wanted to keep watching them to see what they were going to do next.

After about 15 minutes they decided that they needed to change their plan. So together they tried to carry the little slide to the bottom of the big slide. 

 

This slide can't be that heavy where it takes 2 children to carry it!





 

Now they were going to try and push the little slide up the big slide in order to get it up top. First, Carson tried on his own. But his feet just kept slipping down the slide so he wasn't going anywhere.  He continued to do this for another 10-15 minutes or so. I couldn't believe he wasn't giving up.

Landon must have felt bad for his brother because then he went over and tried to push Carson up the slide. He must have thought he was strong enough to push Carson and the little slide up the big slide.



I love this picture because it looks like Carson is trying to push with his face.
This is what I call teamwork!



 



This is how they eventually got the slide up to the top. Landon climbed up the stairs to pull the slide from the top. Landon pulled and Carson pushed. Little problem solvers!!

And all of this hard work..... ...........just to make their slide just a little bit more adventurous.

That afternoon, I could have informed the boys of all the dangers in what they were trying to do. I could have had them stop immediately. After all, I was busy and needed to finish cleaning the kitchen. I could have given them a lecture on the safe way to play on the slide.
But I'm really glad I didn't and this is why:

 TEAMWORK: They are able to work really well together. Somewhere along the way, they've learned that teamwork really does get the job done. If you've ever seen them fight, you would understand how amazing this is!

 PAUSE BEFORE REACTING: My first instinct when I saw them was to go tell them to stop. After all, it looked dangerous and someone could get hurt. Knowing our boys, someone would get hurt. But by watching them from a distance without interfering, it allowed them to use their problem solving skills in order to accomplish their task. They tried more than one approach, worked together, and accomplished their task by not giving up. I know it's silly, it's just them playing on a slide but in that afternoon they learned more about working together than I could have taught them if I tried.


After they went down their "new" slide once, I did call them over to the window and told them to take it down. This is Carson sulkily walking away.






HOUSE OR HOME?

     It seems as if I could divide my life up into two stages, there's life pre - kids and then there's my life as a mom. And although, more years of my life have been spent in the pre - kids stage I can tell you that it often feels like a distant memory. When you become a mom, so much in your life changes and I know that sounds cliché but it is simply true. There are all the obvious reasons that I think most new moms are prepared for; you're now responsible for another human being, someone else's needs will always come before your own, and  you will learn to function on 1/3 of the sleep that you were accustomed to before. These are all the changes that first time moms seem to be expecting and if you have really honest "mommy friends" then you are also ready for; not being able to eat an entire meal without rushing or "sharing", having disagreements with your husband regarding discipline, being so exhausted at times that you give in and allow your child to do something that you swore you'd never let your child do, having less quality time with your husband, and admitting that after 2 or 3 kids you're body will never be the same.  But one thing that still continues to surprise me, after 3 kids and 10 years of being a mom, is how we are constantly changing our home to meet their needs.   
     We were fortunate enough to be able to buy our home before it was even built. Therefore, we were allowed to pick out all of the flooring, cabinets, etc. When we made these choices for our home, our first child was only 8 months old. Needless to say, we did not make the best choices. We chose white cabinets, light tan speckled carpet, light tile with almost white grout, light colored Corian countertops, and an air conditioner unit that was too small for the size of our home.
     I remember when we moved in, the carpet smelled new and everything appeared to be shiny and clean. In our bathrooms we had towels that were just "for looks",there were matching furniture sets in our living rooms and bedrooms, brand new leather couches, and with only 1 child and 5 rooms we had room to spare. We had a room decorated with lavender and flowers for guests, a faux painted office with a travel theme, our son's room, and a room just for toys. I remember feeling like the 2300 square foot home was like a mansion since we had been living in a one bedroom condo with only 700 square feet. Our home remained in order for a few years; nice, neat, well decorated, and clean as only an OCD person would clean their home. It remained this way for a few years as we only had one child for the first 4 years in our home.
     I would have to say our home slowly started to change after we found out our second child was going to be born. We were now giving up our "guest room" to the new baby so we keep a play room for the kids. That guest room has now been a guest room, a baby's room, another baby's room, a playroom, and is now currently what our family calls the "preschool room". We have recently dismantled our office to regain a playroom and now my bedroom is part office/part bedroom. All of these changes I know are just normal. As you have more children, obviously you have to make changes in your home to accommodate their needs. However, lately I have been pondering the things that have changed slowly over time and I wonder what has happened to that brand new home we moved into 9 years ago.
    Remember that light colored carpet? I'm sure you could use your imagination, light carpet + 3 little boys. And I am not lying when I say I just scrubbed poop off that carpet today due to the 2 year old who is trying to potty train himself. His idea, not mine. The light colored grout in our tiled living room?  Let's just say that underneath our large area rug the floor doesn't appear to be the same color.  The towels in the bathroom that were "just for looks" - now we're lucky to be able to find a clean towel and we can't hang anything on the towel rack in the bathroom because the 2 year old thinks it's a handlebar to swing on....he's been known to pull it right out of the wall. We have nice furniture that we have gotten rid of because edges were too sharp for little ones and we currently have no curtains because one of the boys pulled them down and broke the rod. They were an odd dingy color anyways and had holes in them from the short time when we entertained the idea of being dog owners.
    I would say our home used to be nicely decorated, clean, and organized and now you can find patched holes, scuff marks, marker/crayon marks, or a carpet stain in almost every room. Lots of our home decor items have been lost to "accidents" or sold at garage sales due to our constant redecorating of rooms.  Now don't misunderstand me, our home is not filthy, nor would you walk in and think that we are dirty people. Although there have been times when our neighbors have come over unannounced and I have been mortified or afraid that they would sit at our dining room table which could be covered in a myriad of gooey substances at any given time. 
    So lately, this has been bothering me. Reminiscing about our new home and the level of cleanliness that I was able to maintain just seems to discourage me. It bothers me that when you walk into our home; the first room is empty and bare, our playroom (previously office) has no organization, and we have an entire room just for learning and arts & crafts. We need new curtains, flooring, and a TV (ours currently has a large stripe on it). Our dining room table is gross; there are things that can not be scrubbed off, the chair pads are stained and last week one of the arms fell off.
  In frustration with  my inability to keep my house decorated and clean like I would like to,  I have been  thinking back to the accommodations that we have made and how the house got to looking the way it does now. And what I've come to realize is that the changes our house has endured; all those scuffs and holes in the walls, even the gross stuff on our carpet are all part of how our house became a home. After our first child, we were told we didn't have a good chance of conceiving more children on our own. When I think back to our house 9 years ago, it was nice, clean, and well decorated.  But it was simply a nice house with empty closets and empty rooms. If we had only had our first child, our home would most likely look similar if not better than it did when we first moved in. But I can't even imagine how empty our lives would be without our last two children. With all their mess and destructiveness they bring joy, love, and laughter.   
     Every room we have changed or remodeled, every hole from a toy being thrown, stains on carpet from poop or vomit, saggy couches from years of use, marks on walls and furniture from when children have gotten a hold of markers when no one was looking ........these just represent the memories our kids are making. The nice things that we don't have or the lack of  newer replacements just symbolize the financial sacrifices we are making in order for me to be home with our children while they are young. Our once empty closets are now full of toys, games, books, and photo albums. And our former brand new house has evolved into a "home" where children live, play, fight, break things, make messes, and create childhood memories that they will have forever.
    Since becoming a mom, I feel as if I have lost my organized, tidy  house to my children.  However, they have taken it and made it their home. And someday they will be gone, living in their own houses, making their own homes and creating memories with their own families.
     And so when I feel frustrated at the numerous carpet stains, furniture that is breaking, the messiness that comes from toys, and the constant struggle to stay organized.....I will try to remember that I am a mom and I am not in the business of maintaining a neat, well decorated house but instead I am in the business of creating a place my children will want to call HOME.

Nathan and I in our kitchen while our house was still being built.

My towels that were just " for looks" have been replaced by an empty towel bar that the 2 yr. old thinks is a jungle gym.

Our empty front living room. I guess if it's empty there's less to clean :)

Our current " preschool room"