Courage Takes Flight

I do not like to fly. No let me say that again. I HATE to fly. The first time I remember flying, I was fourteen. The next time I flew was when we traveled to Jamaica for our honeymoon. I wasn't so sure of our chances on the brightly colored airplane that seemed outdated by at least ten years. I remember vaguely holding on tightly to Curt's hand and knowing that we weren't coming home. Irrational, right? But that's how I am when I fly. On that particular trip, the plane felt like it was going to drop out of the sky at least 5 times. Curt kept telling me it was turbulence but I was convinced there was something wrong with the the plane's engine or some other important part that would keep the plane from staying in the sky or prevent us from landing safely.

After that I didn't fly for a very long time. One thing that doesn't help my fear of flying is that I have these awful dreams where I see an airplane crash or I am in the airplane that crashes. I have these dreams randomly, they don't always coincide with when I'm getting ready to fly. The whole thing is completely irrational.  I know it's irrational and my chances of being in a car accident are far greater than me being in an airplane crash. But my mind still has a hard time wrapping my head around the statistics. I get stomachaches, am not able to sleep, have bad dreams, and feel nauseated or anxious days before having to fly.

But I soon realized if I ever wanted to go anywhere exciting in life or see my family then I would need to get over my flying issues. The next time I flew, my oldest son was about 15 months old and we flew with my family and my sister's family. It was the first time I had flown since 911, which by the way had only compounded my fear of flying. I cried as the plane took off. I am not lying....... I cried. Not the embarrass my husband wailing kind of cry but my eyes filled up with tears. And on the return home........ I had a stomachache two days before we even had to leave. So, yes I hate flying. I don't like it, even a little bit.

Once, I told my friend that she could have my son's toys for her son if we didn't make it back. Oh goodness, I'm ridiculous. Then there was the time I was completely convinced a terrorist was on my plane. Seriously, I wanted to report it to the stewardess. There was a man wearing all black with tattooed letters on his fingers spelling H.A.T.E. And he kept reaching for his shoe and he was incredibly rude to people around him, was on his cell phone when he shouldn't have been. I know.....I'm completely irrational. For that entire flight I couldn't take my eyes off the "terrorist" that sat catercorner from me. I don't even think I ever told my husband because I was so embarrassed. But these are the crazy thoughts I have when I fly. I don't love being in crowds and so being in an airport and then on a plane is just about as horrendous as it gets for me. People who know me may be surprised to hear this because I'm normally an easy going person who is rational, most of the time.........hormonal times do not count.

My kids, up until recently, did not sit with me when we would fly. It was easier for my husband to take care of them as I felt petrified almost the entire flight. So they either sat with my husband or my dad or whoever else we suckered into flying with us. I also preferred them to sit with their dad because I didn't want them to inherit my anxiety or fear of flying. 

In the past 10 years, we have probably flown about 7 times. So I must be over my flying issues, right? No, not quite. You see now we have too many kids for dad to sit with them all. And actually, I find that taking care of the kids is a great distraction to my irrational thoughts. You have to pack a million snacks and toys for them, keep them occupied so they don't bother anyone else on the plane, worry about all the rude people giving you "the look" and  hoping you're not sitting next to them, and then of course there's the frequent bathroom breaks. I am an odd person who actually enjoys flying with my children because they distract me enough to lessen my insane thoughts. So I have gotten better but not "over " it.

My best trip was when I flew with (at the time) my 4 year old and my grandmother. It was the most peaceful flight I had ever had. If you knew my grandma, then you would know why. She was simply the most amazing person I ever knew. She had a sense of peace and calmness about her that I will always remember. And she always said if it was her time, then so be it. If it was God's will that the plane crash then that was God's will and she had said her prayers. Literally, she said her prayers on the plane. And when we landed her first words were Thank You Jesus. I love that woman. If she was alive today, I'd bet money that she'd be flying with me. I swear I was a better flier since I flew with her. When I grow up........(if that ever happens).... I want to be like my grandma who was not afraid to go anywhere. She was a woman who was always ready for the next adventure!

You see the thing is I LOVE our families more than I HATE flying.
 

Tonight I will fly for the first time in my entire life all by myself. I am on my way to have some sister R & R time. And it just so happens this week is proving I truly need the rejuvenation! There will be no husband, no dad, no grandma, and no kids. Just me.......all alone. And yes I started feeling yucky about flying a few days ago. And last night I felt a little panicky too. But I refuse to let it get to me because all I keep hearing is, " Do not be afraid. Be strong and courageous." I am going to have to live up to my ONE WORD today. And that's what I'm going to focus on. And of course prayer, the peace that is given when you give your anxiety to him can be amazing.

I don't want to just get to my destination this time, I want to enjoy the journey!.

After all; isn't that what life is all about, what I want to remember about parenting, and what I truly want my kids to learn? It's not always where we end up that counts but how we get there.

So my bags are packed and I'm ready to go and armed with all the courage I can muster up but I'd still love prayers for a peaceful and safe journey!!





 

Our family flying with my dad to North Carolina

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